![]() We were in a position I normally liked, but on this day, it was just too painful. If You Ask Your Partner To Switch Positions And They RefuseĪ while back, I asked a man I was having sex with if we could switch positions. In hopes of furthering this understanding, here are seven things you might not think are rape that can be. Just because it has never occurred to us that a certain act may qualify as rape doesn't mean that someone can't experience it that way. Quite simply, we don't have the right to tell anyone that their experience of rape doesn't "count." Sexual assault and rape are nowhere near as cut and dried as most of us were raised to believe. But just because your experience does not necessarily align with some legally actionable definition of sexual assault does not mean that you do not have the right to define your experience that way, and want support. ![]() Many people also mistakenly believe that legal definitions of sexual assault should be the only standard by which we judge personal experiences. ![]() Many people who are not trying to be malicious sometimes think they know what constitutes rape better than the people who have experienced it, simply because we get so many cultural messages about what constitutes sexual assault (most of which have little to do with how sexual assault actually plays out in real life). This isn't just an issue with trolls, however. If a man or a woman shows disinterest in, or discomfort with, finishing a sexual activity, but their partner ignores their uneasiness so they can finish, that qualifies as rape, regardless of what some asshole on the Internet thinks. Furthermore, the absence of "no," or even a partner's total silence, does not constitute consent. And while this is only a legal standard in certain places that have adopted affirmative consent laws, such as some college and university campuses, it should be a standard of human decency in all sexual situations. They've even gone so far as to express concern for the man (whom Gianino never names) while showing outright hostility toward her.īut unless a person gives clear, express consent to sexual activity, they are not a consenting sexual partner. Though the essay has received a lot of support, a few readers have hatefully commented via Facebook that this didn't qualify as rape because Gianino didn't verbally withdraw her consent or physically push away her partner. However, instead of stopping when she expressed her discomfort, he continued having sex with her until he had finished. Though she didn't say the words, "stop," "don't," or "no" to the man she was having sex with, she did express to him that he was hurting her, and when he asked her if she wanted to stop, she replied "kind of" while grimacing in pain. In the essay, Gianino recounts a past sexual experience which began as consensual, but turned into what she personally felt was rape. But two days ago, after Bustle published a heartfelt personal essay by Laura Gianino, " I Didn't Say No - But It Was Still Rape," the trolls came out in full force to do just that. It saddens me that, even in 2016, some people think that their thoughts on what qualifies as rape are more important than the actual experiences of real women who have been assaulted.
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